On the Flip Side

 When I conceived  my eldest daughter, I had parenting all planned out. I had always known exactly what kind of mom I intended to be. I would be the mom that only fed my child organic foods. I would never curse in the presence of my child and breastfeeding was a surety. There would be no yelling, and spanking was out of the question. I would have the smartest child because I would make everything an educational adventure.

Then she was born. Her first 6 months were great. I was a natural at breastfeeding and I had the opportunity to devote all my time to nourishing her body and mind. I had it easy, except for the sleep deprivation; I even found a solution to that. We started co sleeping. However, soon she was mobile. It was still pretty easy, but I had my share of parenting adventures. Once, I took my eyes off if her for only a couple of seconds, and she  ate soap! Two seconds, that's it! Go ahead; shake your head in judgement. But honestly, it was kind of funny.

Then my second daughter my second daughter came along. That's where things started to become difficult. I decided I'd tandem feed feed both of my girls. While I'm glad I did, I was quickly disenchanted with the idea and craved personal space. The sleep deprivation amped up and I realized I didn't want two babies addicted to sleeping in my bed. So, I put my newborn in a bassinet and started trying to get my then 2 year old to sleep in her room. Recipe for ultimate failure. It seemed to take forever to get her out of my bed.

I devolved from my idealistic parenting daydream. I was simply too tired, and slightly addicted to taking the easy route, for preparing extravagant home-made, organic meals. Hello, bbq chicken and boxed mac-n-cheese. Despite having had the best of intentions, I didn't have the energy or drive to get physically fit again. I then decided to return to college. This meant I was gone from my daughters. I weaned my elder daughter from breastfeeding and pumped for the baby. I was never been able to pump enough, and eventually I had to supplement with formula.  I missed all the precious moments with my youngest that I'd had with my eldest daughter. Things were changing.

When my eldest was around 4 years old, I had started to become a yeller. Not over the top really, but I'd get frustrated and overwhelmed. Then on top of that, I've on occasion even given them a smack on the rear. So much for that idealistic parenting.

Now, I find myself always questioning my parenting; am I a good mom? I know deep down that I am. I feed my kids as healthy as I am able. They never go without their needs and get a lot of what they want. I am aware of, and accept,  my short comings. I try to learn from them and do better. I introduce my girls to educational activities as opportunities present themselves, but at least twice a week. My children are clean and healthy. But, the doubt still lingers in my mind.

Some parenting experts stress no screen time. Well, my kids watch a lot of t.v. I'm not proud of that but it happens and I'm working on it. My kids get sweets, like lollipops when we go shopping. However, that is not too often. They do eat desserts full of sugar and they drink juice! However, they usually do not get those sweets without eating their dinner first.  They have to drink more water than juice, and I make sure they are brushing those pearly whites. I might have scared them into thinking all their teeth will fall out if they miss a single brushing. My children have spectacular manners for the most part and, while they drive me nuts at home, they are angels in public. Though I am certainly not the parent I thought I would be; I try the best I can manage.

The point here is:  we all have dreams and ideas of how we will parent our children. But when the reality of being a parent sets in, it's not always what we imagined. Once you're on the flip side of parenting, you realize it's not as easy as taking care of your childhood dolls or babysitting someone else's children that go back to their parents. But it's okay. It's okay to become frustrated. It's okay to break the rules every now and again. As I said in my first post, it's okay to not be perfect. What are some of your parenting short comings? Do you yell when you swore you wouldn't? Do you allow screen time? Has your kid ever eaten fast food? Make light of your imperfections. Share your laughable parenting moments. Most of all  take comfort in knowing you aren't alone. We are all in this together!