Saturday, September 22, 2018

Confessions of a Broke Mom


  Yesterday, my 5 year old walked up and asked me for a new toy, again. There's been a few toys that she really wants and they just so happen to be horribly expensive. This was in that category. So, in typical broke-mom fashion, I said she could wait for Christmas. Well, this was simply unacceptable. She absolutely can not wait. This is life or death, here! I managed to swallow down my frustration, explain for the 3,557,657th time why she needs to wait until Christmas because, "If I buy you everything you want now you'll get no presents later,"etc, etc. Then, I walked outside. I just needed a minute to clear my mind, gain perspective. That's when it hit me, everything emotion my parents probably felt when I was a kid. You see, growing up we didn't have a lot of money. I can remember wanting the big expensive toys. I remember my mom and dad giving me the same excuses I give my girls.  As I got older I can remember learning about money and how hard my parents worked for us kids. But I never really understood. Not the way I do now. My mom used to always say the phrase, "You'll understand when you're a parent." Well, guess what mom, I do. I do understand now and I am so sorry for any time I was ungrateful.
  There is a feeling deep down inside that parents get when they feel they've let their kids down. You know the one, right? I'm not saying you should give your kids everything they want, but sometimes when you have to say "no" to every single thing, it can really get you down. It's that feeling that you aren't good enough. I think every parent gets that feeling at some point and it sucks. We all want our kids to have a better life than we did. I had a pretty great childhood thanks to my parents. It makes me set the bar higher for myself. My childhood was great and their's will be better. It stings when you feel you're failing your own expectations. But after the incident with my daughter, while I was feeling down about myself and thankful toward my parents, my sister sat down and gave me a nice little lecture. She told me to stop being so hard on myself and how great I am as a mom. I could tell it wasn't just empty platitudes but a sincere, heartfelt assessment. It helped me swallow my pride and see things clearly. It's not about the things I provide for my children. It's about the the memories, the happiness, the future I set them up for. If you ever find yourself feeling subpar because you have to say "no" remember that. One day they will understand and one day they will say thank you. 


2 comments:

  1. And now you get it. I love you and I am proud of the woman, wife, and mother you have become.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I second that A.C.Turnbow. She is wonderful.

    ReplyDelete

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